My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
