respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize