I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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