So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
