Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
