I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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