listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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