help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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