he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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