I cannot find my penis.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
