I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
