Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
