Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
