I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
