I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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