i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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