If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
