I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
