Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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