You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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