I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
