He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
someone get that fucking seahorse.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
