Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
