i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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