When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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