he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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