He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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