My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
