cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
