i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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