I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
