What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
