I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
