didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
