I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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