He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
