Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Randomize
