Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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