And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
