I wish i was in the wii world.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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