I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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