Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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