I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
