I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
