Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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