i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
