Your tits are I can't wait for
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
