i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Houston, we have a squirter
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
