guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
