I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
