Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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