she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
