Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
