I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
