last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
