If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
