Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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