and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
