I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
