giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
