I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I forgot how hot balto sounded
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
