Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
