she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
