Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
