Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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