Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
